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Wednesday, March 29, 2006


"I've got to concentrate... concentrate... concentrate... I've got to concentrate... concentrate... concentrate... Hello?... hello... hello... Echo... echo... echo... Pinch hitting for Pedro Borbon... Manny Mota... Mota... Mota..."


My buddy Josh wrote a really good post about patience and concentration in poker.

I experienced it firsthand tonight.

Normally when I come home from work, I'll hang with the BPlings for awhile, play, have dinner, then fire up the mansy pansy poker machine. Tonight was no different. Well, except for one thing.

I couldn't concentrate on playing poker. There were too many updated websites to check out, the kids wouldn't leave me alone, and Seinfeld was on the idiot box. I played three consecutive SnGs, and bounced out of the money in all of them. Why? Because there was too much fucking shit taking away my attention from playing poker.

I was on tilt again. Mostly at my stupid, careless mistakes. Example good: I have AJo, the flop comes down Jack high, I bet out, am called, the turn and the river are both under cards. My lone opponent goes all in against me, and I call, thinking I'm good. I almost type in the chat box, "I gotchya". Until, of course, I realize a split second after I hit 'call' that there's a straight draw on the board. And he/she hit it.


So. Right. I'm a donkalemur.

I decide I need to walk away for a bit. I go play with the kids a bit more, relax, grab a Parliament and a beer and decide to shut out all distractions. I turn off the tube, close all windows on the mobile poker machine but Titan, and put one kid in the washer, the other in the dryer the kids in the family room to watch movies, and sign on to another SnG. No distractions.

I won the donkey fucker, went off tilt, and realized that the distractions were keeping me from playing even my "B" game.

I honestly have no idea how some of you can multi-table. I've tried it once or twice, and my teensy tiny brain goes on overload. I basically become a fembot when I try to multi-table, and the crazy windows flashing every 3 seconds are Austin Powers' pelvic thrusts. Even at low limit bullshit games, I can't do it.

Maybe someday, but right now I'm still working patience and concentration.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006


"Two in the pink, one in the stink"
"Goin' to town with one in the brown"

I don't know why, but I've been laughing my ass off all day about "The Shocker". I sort of forgot it existed until I saw pictures of AlCan'tHang at the Playboy Mansion, flashing The Shocker with full aplomb. I couldn't stop laughing. I can't stop laughing now.

If we're going to keep it poker-based, I think the poker equivalent to The Shocker (from a female perspective) is being dealt pocket aces, and having someone push all-in against you and flip a pair of two's.

Joy! Ecstacy! Deliver me my bounty, you alpaca-lemur-donkey!

Until that two hits on the river giving him a set, and cripples you.


Monday, March 27, 2006


I am on mega tilt right now.

My son Wrigley (named after the field, not the gum) has had "stomach issues" the past 24 hours. Events involve a full on exfoliating bath at 2am and dry heaves at 7 o'clock this morning. Fun stuff.

Since my wife had a full schedule, and I'm a sales schmuck, it was decided that I work from home and hang with the kids. While Tyrah (named after Ty Cobb, not Tyrah Banks) played on the computer downstairs, I fired up the mobile poker machine while Wrigley rested next to me. I went on an absolute tear, playing three SnGs and placing 1st in all of them. W00T!

I decided to play the Hold 'em Poker freeroll at 5pm. Wrigley was doing better and playing, so I grabbed a beer, grabbed my nuts, and fired it up.

There was an absolute manica push monkey at the table. A master of the suckout like I have only read about in the past. I saw him go all in with 78c vs. AA only to hit his flush on the river. He was literally playing any two cards.

The fourth hand into this freeroll, I find QQ in late position. Monsiuer push monkey has already raised it T500, so I decide "What the hell? I'll push." The player to my left calls, as does the monkey. I worry about the player to my left until he flips J10o. The maniac I was targeting flips K3 and we're off.

It's all rags, and I'm a 91% favorite to win after the turn. Until there is this strange sound. I've heard it many times, but it never resonated as loudly as it did at that moment. It was the sound of a suckout. A king hits the river and a little box appears on my screen politely thanking me for playing and that I've been released from the tournament in something like 798th place. I've never finished that low in this tournament in my life.

I go on MEGA TILT.

What do you do when you're on mega tilt? Why, head on over to Titan and fire up an SnG!

And get knocked out on the bubble.

What do you do when you're on mega tilt and knocked out on the bubble? Why, fire up four more SnGs and get destroyed in all of them!

I'm down monetarily for the day, and down in the dumps emotionally for the next two or three days (implied odds). Ok, it's not that bad, but jebus...

On a related Tiltboy note, I received this email from Josh Paley of The Tilboys, after I was the first to respond to a post he wrote:

Bloody P--

You did an outstanding job with your response in the Tiltblog.
Whereas other readers apparently could not figure out how to post a
comment, you did. You got scoreboard. You will get the Miami
Hurricanes book.

You must be almost as excited as I was the day that I was channel
surfing about a decade ago and landed on VH1. They were giving away a
set of CDs by The Who, autographed by the living members of the band.
I called up and won immediately. So, I know the level of excitement
that you are currently experiencing. Try not to drive for the next 24

The book will ship sometime this week. It should arrive well in
advance of next year's Steak and Blowjob Day.


I have won Tales From The Miami Hurricanes Sideline by Jim Martz, autographed by Josh Paley.

I couldn't be any more proud.

Tilt on, motherfuckers.

Sunday, March 26, 2006


I hate the poison bitch that is variance.

After running well for awhile, I think the dark lord that purchased my soul kept the reciept on my luck, went to the Service Counter, and exchanged me for junk kicking fun. The demon's name be Hasslehoff.

Today? Five SnGs, one MTT and ZERO cashes. ZERO. Zip. Nada.

I hate that. My confidence goes in the toilet (as does my bankroll).

I'm just glad I wasn't at the Playboy Mansion last night. The rejection from all of those Barbie Dolls would have put me on 'undersized junk tilt' and I don't know if I ever would have recovered.

Gotta go, another SnG is starting.

Variance, I shall conquer thee (fucking bitch)!

Saturday, March 25, 2006

I'll Take It

2 1/2 hours. Three amazing suckouts. Five beers. And this is what I get.

Oh well, there were 1107 other push monkeys that entered. At least I won enough to cover the rake on playing two more SnGs. And it's practice.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Running With The Devil

I must have sold my soul to the poker devil, because I've been on a pretty damn good run.

After running terribly in $5/$10 SnGs, I decided I need to go down a level and started playing the $1 shorthanded SnGs on Titan again. Last night I played in 7 and finished first in six of them and second in the last one. I know that these games are extremely fishy, but I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing. It's helped me prepare for the fishiness and bad beats at higher levels.

Yes, there were some junk sodomizing suckouts (e.g. 48s hits his flush on the river cracking my queens), but I was able to recover and take the run of the table. I understand that going from $5 and $10 SnGs to $1 tourneys is sort of like breaking up with Elisha Cuthbert to date Mary Lynn Rajskub, but when you're running bad, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

One big hole in my game is my bluffing. I used to never bluff. I played my cards as they were, folding it down to any bet even if I caught a part of the flop. I never bothered looking at other people's betting patterns to see if they were trying to lay a bluff on me.

That's changed. I've been a lot more successful at stealing the blinds at higher levels, re-raising in the BB to push people off pots pre-flop, etc. I've also avoided becoming a push monkey when I feel I've got the best hand. Instead, I've been laying out traps, check-raising when I know my opponent will follow my check with a bet, and getting as much "calling" money as possible in the middle when I know my opponent is chasing a straight or flush draw and I've got what the French call "ze nuts".

Finally, I will be spending Saturday with voodoo dolls of Joe Speaker, Al Can't Hang, Dr. Pauly, CJ, and Boy Genius. They'll be at the Playboy Mansion. I'll be in my basment with a 12 pack of Special Export Light poking their likenesses in the swimsuit area with knitting needles.

And you thought getting your aces cracked was a junk killing experience? No match for the needles.

OK, ok, have fun gents.

You lucky, lucky bastards.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Minnesota Represent!

Check this shit out:


Saturday, March 18, 2006

Might As Well Fact It, You're Addicted to Flush

K7d? I'll call from early position.

Q9s? Love it.

A2h? Count me in!

God, I'm a donkey sometimes.

As much as it's hard for me not to push with AQo, it's even harder for me not to call in any position with high card/low card suited.

You know what I'm talking about. You know you do. J6s comes in late position, and your brain starts frothing thinking about that one time three months ago that you called with J6s and the flop came down all spades and you took a big pot home. Mmmmm, big pot. So, why not call $300 here and give it shot, even though you have an M of 6? Why not? C'mon, you know you want to. Angel and Devil on the shoulders, and all that.

It's a sickness, akin to crystal meth and smack. "Ooooo, lookie here! A3 of hearts! Sweet tits a-poppin'! Should I push? After all, they ARE s00ted!"


I'm getting better, though. I'm only down to needing, like, one s00ted high/low call per day now. I've been going to meetings, keeping away from the "all-in button", things like that.

Please, pray for me. And pray for my game.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp

God, I've been running bad of late. I feel much the same as Scurvy Dog, except on a budget. I can't win a coin flip, get my aces and kings cracked by small pairs that hit their set on the flop, etc., etc., blah, blah, blah, whine, whine, whine. Wait! Theeeere's more!

I played in a 12 player SnG last night where the person to my immediate right got dealt pocket pairs three times in a row and hit their set each time. 88, meet an 8 on the flop. TT, here's your turn friend T. And Jacks? Here's the third of your triplets.

How many times can that happen? The odds of it has to be about the same of me leaving a date with Elisha Cuthbert, so I'm not late for my date with Catherine Zeta Jones later on, but ending up in bed at the end of the night with both of them, plus Selma Hyek.


The bottom line is that I feel like I'm playing smart, tight/aggressive poker, but getting pushed around by the Bitch Variance. It's been a "piss-away-a-quarter-of-your-bankroll" kind of week, and I'm starting to go on a bit of apathy tilt.

After awhile last night I would get AA or KK in great position and just KNOW that it was going to get cracked. I played like it was going to get cracked. I was the Pavlov's Dog of the poker world by the end of things last night. I had a learned response to the repeated actions going on around me. I was playing "DOA" poker.

I guess I owe Dr. Pauly a $1.00 for the bad beats story, but what is a blog, but someplace to vent every once in awhile (or more...).

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Happy Steak and Blowjob Day!!!

I hope you get everything you ever hoped for on Steak and Blowjob Day!

Monday, March 13, 2006

SNOW DAY!!!!!!!!!!

Hellz, yeah.

There has to be at least six inches of snow on the ground here in beautiful Minneapolis. It's abolootly insane. Friday, I was in jeans, a t-shirt and freakin' flip flops catching a smoke on our porch. It was almost 60 degrees and I was lovin' it (insert McDonald's "buh buh buh bah baaah" jingle here). Today? Blizzard. Welcome to Minnesota, eh.

The weekend was ultra-light pokerwise. I played a couple of shorthanded SnG's on Titan last night, but that was about it. The weekend was spent in Milwaukee, where, inexplicably, they were having St. Patrick's Day celebrations. On Saturday, March 11th. WTF?

Mmmmm...green beer. Always a bonus. And if you're even just driving through Wisconsin, stop off at a gas station and buy them out of all of the New Glarus beer they have. It's the nectar of the gods.

I drafted my fantasy baseball team, and after going over my roster, it appears that my tight-ass drafting will net me a team that will be akin to the Tampa Bay Devil Rays or the Folwell Neighborhood Pee Wee Baseball Club. God, I suck at fantasy sports. I might as well have taken that $50 league fee and set it on fire.

As you can see, I love playing at Titan Poker so much, I signed up to be an affiliate. Please feel free to click on that big ass banner to the right and sign up. Good software + soft tables = crazy delicious poker. I play Titan almost exclusively now (WWdN tourney is the only exception). For all of you newbie poker players out there (like me), it's a great place to get your feet wet and work on your game. Titan has SnGs starting at $1.00.

That's it for the non-sequiter ramblings for today. I'm going to pour another cup of coffee, hang out in my sweats and watch PBS kids with the BPlings the rest of the day.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Off to Brewtown

Off to Milwaukee this weekend for a bit of debauchery.

I hope all of your pots this weekend are nice and juicy, like mine!!!


Thursday, March 09, 2006

Dirty Dozen Jackpot Bonanza!

So Titan Poker has these kooky little "Dirty Dozen Jackpot" SnG's. It $2 + .40 to buy in and first place pays $12. Chump change, I know, but I dig the low buy-in and it let's me work and think about my game on the cheap.

Here's the thing about these SnG's. If you place first in four of these bad boys in a row, you get a $2000 bonus blue veined right to your account.

It's doable. My personal best so far is only two, but I also haven't really sat down and tried to work the mojo in a quiet environment. Usually, I'll have the TV on, the cat trying to put its ass in my face, and the BPlings running around like some pre-school version ofLord of the Flies. Let's just say I'm distracted...

I have won four $5 SnG's in a row over at Holdempoker.com, but those cheap bastards don't have any promotions going on, ever(which is why I no longer play there), so the glory was fleeting.

The caliber of players at the DDJ tourneys are pretty bad (worse than me anyway...), and I've slowly built up my meager bankroll by winning or placing second in most of these bad boys (tight/aggressive, me boy).

Here is my question for you, gentle reader:

Would you take 30%-40% (a set amount, no more, no less) of your bankroll and play these things non-stop hoping that you could win four in a row and turn say, $100 into $2048 or more?

I'm thinking about sending the kids to juvie, the wife to the spa, the cat to a Vietnamese restaurant, and sitting on my ass for 10-12 hours on a Saturday and taking a crack at it.

What would you do? And more importantly, WWJD?

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

WWdN 3/7/06

I am a donkey.



Click here for hand history and commentary on the "why" I am a donkey.

In better news, I played a 12 person SnG on Titan last night, got heads up with the chip leader (his 8K in chips vs. my 4K) and won. I played my uber aggressive game, but didn't tank post flop, instead reraising his raises when the board looked it it wouldn't have it his hand (which I know is 'iffy' when playing HU) or betting big when he checked it over. I took the lead after about 10 minutes, and finished him off a couple of minutes later when he went all-in with J6o to my QTo and I won the race.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Chariots of Fire In Reverse

First off, one of my childhood heroes passed away yesterday, and I've been in a funk all morning. Rest in Peace, Kirby Puckett.

On to less important things...like poker:

I can't win the races. I don't know what in the hell is happening, but lately when I get to heads up play in SnGs, I can't give the cameras the money shot they so badly want.


Tonight. Heads up. I not only hold the most chips, I hold AKo. I raise to 6x the BB. My opponent goes all in. (hell yeah) I call. He/she flips QTo.


Except a pesky Queen hits the flop, and I don't improve. I send over 1/2 my chip stack to the lemurdonk and now he/she's in the the lead.

Three hands later, I find QQ and push. Monsieur/Mademoiselle flips A7o and knocks me out in second when he/she hits a river Ace.

IGHN and try not to beat the living hell out my couch.


I know, I know, "that's poker".

But seriously. I've placed second in the last 4 SnGs that I've played in. I've read all of the strategy, consider myself a fairly intelligent individual, and even got Ryan from Absinthe's Troubles to take some time to give this lowly blogger a Cliff's Notes guide to playing short-stacked. I play aggressively. UBER aggressively.

And I can't stop finishing SECOND.

Sweet Jebus, help me.

If anyone has had any epiphanies regarding heads-up play, please, please, PLEASE, comment on this blog.

Bloody P wants to see that big 'ol Titan trophy pop up at the end of his tourney, not the bland little pop-up note stating:

"You have finished second in the tournament, Donkey-ass. We put some money into your account (like you deserve it...)" (ibid)

Little Help?

Coming of another 10 Corona night after watching the Oscars (ZZZZZZZZ...) last night and playing some good, if uninspired, poker.

There was one hand in particular that has had me scratching the shit dome.

This may not be totally accurate (don't have the hand history availabe now), but you'll get the gist of it:

6 person SnG on Titan.

I'm in the BB with Kc2c. Two limpers, the small blinds completes and I check.

Flop: Kh 7c 6c

Nice flop for me.

UTG min bets, UTG +1 calls, SB calls, I min-raise to keep the action going. Calls all around.

Turn: 7h

UTG checks, UTG +1 checks, SB min bets, I call (with pot odds) hoping that if he has trip 7's, I'll hit either a club or a King on the river. UTG and UTG +1 both fold.

River: 3c

I have hit my flush, king high. Huzzah! Another pound for the king! I'm surprised by the SB firing out a bet that's about twice the pot. I think, then double it, and he re-raises all in. After carefull consideration, I decide that it's highly unlikely that he's got the AcXc (I would put that on UTG/UTG +1), and is trying to push me off the pot.

I call and and he flips K7o and IGHN to his KK777 full house.

How could I have played this better? All comments welcome. I make no bones about being a donkey/lemur at this stage in my game.

Is there anyway I could have seen this coming? His betting pattern after the turn didn't reek of strength.

My best guess is that he laid out a nice trap, hitting his boat, min-betting, and then praying for that club to hit on the river so I would donate the rest of my stack to him. If so, I bought it hook, line, and sinker.

Any thoughts?

Saturday, March 04, 2006


I do solemnly swear to never again to drink 10 Coronas and donk off a decent portion of my bankroll by reloading SnGs for two hours.

Bloody P

Friday, March 03, 2006

My Two Loves

1. My wife and kids.

2. People who can't let go of AK or AQ all the way to the river, even though they've hit none of their cards and can't FATHOM that you may have a better hand (even though you've been showing them with your aggressive betting...).


End broadcast.

Thursday, March 02, 2006


Champ or Chump?
(God, I wish that were really his picture)

Last night. What can I say? I had a great time sweating the ladies and getting to "meet" some of the esteemed poker bloggers that I've read for the past 6 months or so.

Oh, and then there was The Champ.

I feel almost bad saying this, but I almost felt sort of bad for the Bud-toting-Woman-beating-Kid-Rock-loving-Play-money-tourney-mentoring bastard. He sure got a 'big blue veiner' stuck into him last night, as such blogging heavyweights as AlCan'tOutDrinkBloodyP, Sir Waffles, Drizz, etc. were doing their best to take him off his game, while the rest of the peanut gallery hurled insults his way. He was Custer, we were the indians.

Low Rollin' does an excellent job of recapping what happened for basically an hour straight. Check it out.

OK, the guy really comes across like a Grade-A asshole sometimes, but man, last night he was Christ, we were the Romans and we crucified him.
Oh, and Joanne won the whole thing in a final hand race with Maudie. Congrats to Maudio for not falling into The Champs "trap" and hitting a straight flush to knock The President of the He-Man Woman Hater's Club out of the tourney.


The great Titan experiment continues to go well. The tables are incredibly soft, and I've only lost twice since I've sat down in an SnG. Funny story:

Looking around for a $5 SnG to play in, I find one that looks good, register, and wait for the cards to fly. Well, they fly, but I've got FOUR pocket cards. Oh sweet Susan Sarandon, I think, I'm in a fucking $5 Omaha game. Not only is it Omaha, but it's High/Low.

I've played Omaha maybe twice in my life. Never really cared for it, but I was pot committed to this tourney, so I started to pray play.

The tables are so soft at Titan ("how soft are they?"). They're so soft that I came in second place and got myself nine smacks ($4 net). Tourists. Fish. LOLOL!! LLOOLL!!!

I then hit up a $2 Dirty Dozen Jackpot and placed 2nd in that as well. Low buy-ins, I know, but practice makes perfect!

Play like a Blue Veiner today!

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Big Ups

Big thanks to SirFWALGMan for the tip on Titan Poker. It really is a gold mine. I've been playing the micro-limit 12 player SnGs and have cashed in all but one, winning about 60% of them. It's a nice little bump to my payroll, and good place to practice the aggression I've been lacking in $5 and up SnG's. My apologies to SirFWALGMan, however, for screwing him over forgetting to pimp him when I signed up.

Also a big thanks to Ryan from Absinthe's Troubles for taking time from killing pros in his live game out of his schedule to give me some pointers. As someone who is still eagerly learning and studying this game, I appreciate the help.

Last night's WWdN:iX tourney was fun, although I found myself card dead for a long stretch of time. 91 people signed up, and I got knocked out in the middle of the pack at 45th. At least I had a good time...

My favorite moment of the night (or not) was getting dealt The Hammer TM in middle position and popping it to $400 (blinds were $25/$50 at this point, I believe). WillWonka popped me back, and I went all in. He was holding pocket Queens, cracked my Hammer, and left me crippled. At least I had the cujones to go all the way with it. (Sidebar story: two hands earlier I folded the Hammer pre-flop and the flop came down 772...daaaaamn).

I tightened up, doubled up, and then went card dead. I had an M of -74, and I pushed with something god awful (I should really remember these things...) and got knocked out. I usually tilt a bit in these situations, even if I know defeat is coming, but was strangely calm (thanks, Red Stripe!), so I decided to head over to Titan and crush the micro-limit SnG tables. I played one 12 player, $2 buy-in, and won, netting $10. Then played a 6 person SnG and won. It was a $1 buy-in, and at one point, I wanted to see how fishy the table was and was dealt 98o in the BB. Called around to me, and I check. Flop comes down 9x7, so I decide "what the hell" and push. One caller, who I have covered by about 75 chips, and he flips KK. Oh well. At least I know there's some trickery and slowplay, even at those limits. The good news was that I took that $75 in chips and won the damn thing. I got dealt some good cards, had a few suckouts, and within about 20 minutes was back to the chip lead and stayed there.

Hey, at least I covered my WWdN buy-in.

Now that I've got the hang of how Titan works, I'm going to tackle the $5 and $10 SnG's and see if the waters are as fishy there.

Thanks again to the two mentioned above, and to anyone else who swings by this blog and reads my mindless drivel.