RED SOX: WORLD CHAMPIONS

Really, need I say more? Congrats to Sinatra for winning the MVP. Congrats to Paps for, you know, being Paps.

Red Sox nation is alive and well in Horicon, WI.

The only sad thing about this is that baseball is done until pitchers and catchers report 3 years from now...

Time to buy the DVD, I guess.

Oh, and again to all of you Yankee fans out there: THAT'S TWO CHAMPIONSHIPS IN FOUR YEARS!

YEAR 2000!! YEAR 2000!!

Let's see if your high priced, cyborg team can take homegrown Ellsbury, PedRoYa, Paps, Tek, and Youk next year.

Trick-Or-Treating in Small Town U.S.A.

Click all to embiggen.

This picture scares me to death. She ALREADY wants to be a bride...

ARGHHH!!!!!

Shot down the street from our front porch

And You Want To Be My Latex Salesman?

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Tonight's the night! Could be a sweep a la 2004. How sweet it is!

Lester needs to look at the Rockies like they're cancer and show them who's the fucking boss.

CC to Yankees fans: YEAR 2000! YEAR 2000!!

Live Blogging World Series Game 3

7:36: Whew! Made first pitch (strike).

7:37: Roster shake-up with Youk on the bench. I hope this works out.

7:38: Swinging bunt by Jacoby Ellsbury! Nobody litter for a week.

7:40: I can't believe I forgot to put on my 2004-0fficial-on-field-World-Series-cap.

I put it on, and PedRoYa hits an infield single. BOOYA!

7:43: Papi, Papi, Papi....

7:47: Manny, Manny, Manny....

7:50pm: Sinatra flies out with two on. These are the kinds of wasted opportunities that can come back and bite the Sox in the sphincter.

7:53: I have found Yeti. And he is is Ryan Silborghs.

7:59: NICE stab and heads-up play by the import! He's like saki with a glove.

8:19: Pretty uneventful game so far. Plus my kids are ALL KINDS of wound up tonight. Trick-or-Treating is tomorrow here in Small Town, USA, and they are losing they're minds with excitement. Sort of like me walking by a beer cooler, or Waffles walking by Old Country Buffet.

I keed, I keed.

8:24: God, these kids are great. This 1-2 punch of the fast rookies may catch on. FAST (pun intended).

8:25: PAPI!!! PAPI!!! PAPI!!! I love you, you balky kneed sumbitch!

8:27: Luck be a single tonight! Luck be a single tonight! Luck if you ever were a lady to begin with, Luck be a single tonight. C'mon Lowell.

8:28: The head of the Rat Pack brings in PedRoYa and Papi!

Me likey.

8:32: It looks like Manny got in around the tag. He may have gotten it on the thigh, but he looked safe to me.

8:35: Holy sushi, Batman! Red Sox up 5-0 on a DICE-K single! WTF??? This is like Julio Lugo hitting a grand slam (or a double). Like J.D. Drew hitting during the regular season! Like me dating Elisha Cuthbert!

AMAZING!

8:36: Quote from Royce Clayton (mic'd up during the game) on Dice K's single: "Yeah!!! He Ichiro!!!"

8:45: I may have to jerk off to Matsuzaka's rookie card tonight.

You think I'm kidding?

8:51: By the way, where the hell is Bill Simmons during all of this? He's been posting about the Pats and the Celtics, and hardly a peep about the Sox. He becoming an Angels fan since living in LA LA town?

9:08: Beer is kicking in.

9:28: Hot chicks live in Denver. Keep that camera rolling!!

9:38: Starting to peter out here. Game has gotten a bit boring, and I've been up since 6am. I had to get my ass to a sales training at the new job this morning, but it was worth it. Got to know a couple of the guys, and got a nice introduction to the company.

For the first time in over a year, I'm excited to go to work on Monday.

10:09: Rockies on the board. Not worried.

I've noticed that since 2004, I'm not fearful of the "inevitable" collapse of the Red Sox. They've proven they can get it done, and they are deep enough that I think a 5 run lead should hold. Before '04, it was like the end of a horror movie, where the killer comes back from the dead ONE LAST TIME to wreak havoc.

Now? Not so much.

10:11: I can't believe I've actually listened to The Ass Clown Twins for almost 3 hours. Might be time to put on some tunes.

Oh, and now it's only a four run lead. Getting a little nervous now...

10:16: The head pirate of the Black Pearl Bullpen is in.

I am knocking on every piece of wood in this house.

10:20: OH!!!! NOW I get why Lugo's in the game! Nice snag, good-field-no-hit!!!

10:24: C'MON?! NO comments on my 7:38pm post?? That's comic GOLD, Jerry, GOLD!

10:25: And yes, I do realize that was posted almost 3 hours ago...

10:32: Philip Bailey?? PHILIP BAILEY??? The guy hasn't had a hit since he ass raped Phil Collins on "Easy Lover" in the 80's. C'mon Colorado...couldn't you have dug up John Denver or something??

10:50: I watch one SNL skit, and THIS? Jebus.

10:55: It's official, Philip Bailey is the new "curse". Anyone want to rally? Bring in Philip Bailey to sing "God Bless America"...

11:12: THERE'S ONLY ONE OCTOBER, BITCHES!!!! 9-5 Sox in the 8th. I feel like Roman Polanski at a Jr. High dance!!!

11:15: Who has the better mouth vagina? Todd Helton or Kevin Youkilis?? I'm thinking Helton may have the edge here. Although Youk looks like he puts conditioner in his.

11:47: Too much beer, lost track of time. It's now the bottom of the 9th. 10-5 Sizzox. Papel-bot is in. Game over (again, knocking on wood-including my own).

11:55: That's 3-0, bitches! Humidors are for cigars, not baseballs. Sox rule all. I'm drunk and have Dice-K's japanese rookie in hand and am ready to snap one off before bed. You sweet, sweet, Asian bastard!

Good night, all. Let's close this shit out tomorrow night!

Yay! I Did It!!

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Donkament isn't even the word for this tournament. Early, open pushes with T6o, in hopes of a quick double up. It was frustratingly hilarious. And lots of fun. Bone Daddy sat on my left all night and we ended up heads up at the end. Good times, good times.

Thanks to Kat for hosting.

I went from bumming $20 from Biggestron a few days ago to making a profit of $103.00. That's right, folks, I only rebought ONCE. $3 to win $106? That was a pretty nice little boost to my meager bankroll.

Thanks to all who played and chatted.

The Bloggies- Sawx Edition

With a tense, scream-at-your-TV-while-pounding-a-light-beer-of-your-choice game last night, I'm spent.

Thank God I get a free lunch next Tuesday.

If you're caught up in Red Sox fever, here a few must-read blogs that have been doing an outstanding job of covering the post season.

Rated in order of man-love:

Surviving Grady

Basegirl

Joy of Sox

Papel-blog

The Soxaholix

They're all great reads, with Surviving Grady and Basegirl being my favorite just for the laughs and joy they show. The Soxaholix is great only because, you know, cartoons are easier to read than real words.

Enjoy, and we'll see you tomorrow night on the moon (aka Coors Field).

Live Blogging Game 2

7:21: Joe Buck and Tim McCarver. Ugh. I may have to puncture my eardrums with sporks.

7:25: Someone needs to tell Jamey Carroll that he's gay..."lockermate"? C'mon, we know what you mean.

7:27: Serena Williams is getting thicker and thicker. Not that I wouldn't take a stab at it or anything.

7:30: Grandpa Schilling in da hizzouse!

7:32: Not a good sign when Schill hits a guy 4 pitches in...

7:34: I've already turned off Buck and McCarver and put on the new Wilco CD.

7:38: May be time to get the walker and Depends for Schill. He's not looking goot.

7:41: Freeroll time on Full Tilt!!!

7:47: And I'm out of the freeroll... NO, I DON'T want to talk about it.

7:54: Schilling sort of looks like if I were to face the Rockies line-up tonight. I know he's a "big game" pitcher. But jeezus, I sorta want Bea Arthur out there.

7:57: If Lugo can't hit, that sumbitch might as well field! He's the epitome of "no hit/good field" scouting reports this year. Nice double play, ass-bat...

8:04: MMMMM...Homemade chili. This shit has been simmering for almost 5 hours on the stove. I did take a short cut and used Carroll Shelby's seasoning from the grocery aisle, but oh sweet 8 lb 6 oz baby jesus yes.

8:06: So now that Tek was caught looking for the third out, I've been thinking about something. I've been cooking lately. A lot. I've think I may do a little live-food-blogging a la BG. We have a kick-ass butcher in town, and I think I could give a lot of you man-children some good (read: chick friendly) grill recipes. Not only that, but I've been a whiz kid in the kitchen as well.

8:12: I hope Schilling his Taveraz here again. Just to, you know, prove a point.

8:14: Wow! Schilling reached up into the farthest reaches of his asshole and has found his groove!

8:20: I liked the way last night went better....

8:25: Have to admit, I have a man-crush on Youuuuuk and his 70's vagina goatee.

8:28: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FOUL

8:37: Beer has officially kicked in, beetches.

8:45: FINALLY. A FUCKING SCORE! I was starting to get a little armpitty for an inning there.

9:09: Pretty drunk.

9:15: Manny Ramirez's swing is as pretty as Jessica Simpson's vagina. And believe me, I know.

9:36: Kids finally in bed. Whew!!!!

9:45: Too many beers. Oki-whazhizname is in? Thank God he got the parrot back. And if I hear FUCKING McCarver talk about the "head jerk" by Okijima one more time, I'm flying to Boston and decapitating him.

I'll be a national hero.

9:48: Okijima is now MY national hero. Way to get out of the inning, bubsy.

9:54: TV is muted again. God, how those two ass clowns stay on the air on a major network is completely beyond any comprehension that I can muster.

10:00: I have decided on The Fruit Bats "Spelled in Bones" as World Series listening music. Low-fi pop at its finest. Check 'em out.

10:05: Youk gives me heart attacks every goddamn at bat. Yeah, he works the pitchers, but sweet jebus!

YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUK!!!!!!!!

10:06: Runners on the corners? Papi batting? A new pitcher who's going to be pressing?

I like me them odds.

10:10: Fuck me. The ONE guy who could open this game up (Papi), and he flies out.

Gonna be a close one to the end, folks.

10:31: Wife had to use the computer....

10:32: Varitek...I think he probably batted better here:


10:35: Leetle nervous about Oki pitching this long. It's like leaving me in a porno movie for more than 3 minutes...

11:14: Paps is our generation's Milton Berle.

Night all.

What is There To Say?

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13-1? C'mon. Seriously?

I spent the meat of the game at a local dive, getting beers bought for me by two guys from Dubuque, IA who were in town on business (something about turning methane gas into reusable energy out at the dump...I think). One Harley guy, one computer nerd and me.

I was thinking about taking them cow tipping, but was afraid the Harley guy might try to have a three-way with the nerd and a cow.

To be honest, once the score got past 10-1, I ended up just enjoying my new friends and only glancing up at the TV to make sure that the massacre was still going on.

Expect a great Game Two tonight as Bloody A (nkle) take the mound to put the Sox up 2-0.

Poker Content (Sorta)

Now for something completely different.

I'm busto Waffles-style on 'Stars. I had a "RiverStars" rant already to go, complete with swearing, conspiracy theories, etc... I never posted it.

I got coolered in a cash game (trying to build up the bankroll) and I was angry, angry, angry.

I had been playing tighter than Hillary Duff's vagina all night, and got it all in the middle with KK. Guy with pocket jacks insta-calls and hits his two-outer on the river.

Oh well. That's poker right? (Fu&# Stupid #@!!% Stars...)

Question:

Would anyone out there in bloggerland be willing to do a modest PayPal / Stars swap with me? I'm talking $10-$20 max.

Leave me a comment to let me know if you'd be up for it.

To My Fantasy Football League

YOU ARE ALL ON NOTICE

7-0 AFTER TONIGHT, BITCHES.

'Nuff Said

Click to make bigger

See you in Beantown on Wednesday night!

Open Letter to J.D. Drew

Dear Mr. Drew,

As I'm sure you are painfully aware, you have been swinging a total and complete ass-bat this season.

Due to the billions of dollars you are making each and every year, Red Sox Nation obviously expected more out of you.

I expected more out of you.

But now, with one glorious swing of that (former) ass-bat, you've made it ok.

I come to you with with open arms.

Why don't you do us all a favor and have yourself a repeat performance tonight and into the World Series.

I love you,

Bloody P

P.S. Needless to say, my wife won't be making me watch "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" tonight. My sincerest thanks for that, as well.

N.W.A (Nostradamus With Attitude)

Clizznic to embiggizzen

*cough* *cough*

SCOREBOARD.

Please don't mess with the Sox when you think they're down and out.

11-2?

Bitch, please. Tomorrow will be the massacre...fo rizzle.

Housekeeping

This blog is in transition.

As my four readers can see from the past few posts, it isn't a poker blog in the true sense.

I loves me some poker, I loves me some baseball.

I also loves me some music, football, family, entertainment, cooking, drinking, and (of course) flatulence.

This blog is going to be a cornucopia of "stuff". Two parts poker mixed with two part sports sifted into 3 parts everything else.

Whether or not I change the name from "Back Alley Mugging" is yet to be determined. Love the name, just not sure it fits with everything else.

I have decided that I am also going to take my kids for a car ride without car seats, make a sex tape, collect Barbies, eat nothing but Lean Cuisine, pretend that I'm Charles Nelson Reilly, and change my wardrobe to nothing but leather chaps coupled with an orange ball in my mouth.

I hope you like.

Five Words

Don't FUCK with Josh Beckett.

Negreanu's Bahamas Freeroll Thingy

10,000 entered.

Here's how I finished:

Click to embiggen.

Hey, won a buck anyway..

It's Go Time

Yes, the Sox are down 3-1. Yes, they are the underdogs tonight. Thank God, Commander Kick Ass of the F*%& Yeah Brigade is tossing the ball tonight.

It's time for the Sox to work a little of the 2004 magic and get it back to Beantown for a win in 7 games. If they pull it off, I will personally find Eric Gagne, decapitate him, and carry his head around on a spear down Yawkey Way. Unless someone gets to him before I do.

Did you know there's only one October?

Tonight feels like it's going to be a Miller Lite fueled, Sox gear wearing, cursing at the TV while kids hide in the bathroom, rollicking good time.

Until the wife interrupts the game to watch Grey's freakin' Anatomy.

____________

On the personal tip, things at the old P house are a-changing.

I gotz me a new job. Thank the gods.

Not that my laundry selling, fucked-up-management, narcissitic-paranoid-meth-eating-boss-having-an-affair-with-a-subordinate, inept leadership job wasn't great, it was just time for a change.

I'm getting back into the super sexy A.V. industry and getting a substantial bump in salary, a nice commission structure, 2 weeks of vacation after 6 months, and....drum roll please: a company car after 90 days.

For an outside sales rep, that's huge.

So, my two weeks are in at the current place, which means a two week paid vacation for moi. Yeah, outside sales reps don't do much when they know they're leaving.

Cheers, and good luck Red Sox.

WCOOP

First off, thanks to PokerStars for hosting the event.

Here's how I finished:





I outlasted a ton of people, and was overall happy with my play. I was in the top 20 most of the tourney, and then was card dead in hour three and got short-stacked fast.

Still, outlasting 1166 other players is (for me) accomplishment enough.

Live Blogging the Sox / Tribe Tilt

7:24: Schilling throws his first strike of the night. Sock is still white. I will keep you posted if he starts spontaneously bleeding.

7:26: Fucking Sizemore.

7:28: Sidenote - I will live blog this as much as my functions allow me. I've had two glasses of wine already, and have 10 beers waiting for me in the fridge. Could be Joe Namath/Suzie Kolber time for me by the end of the night.

7:31: Manny is underrated as a fielder. He's had some plays in the post season that make him look like Neo from The Matrix.

7:32: 1-0 Mistake By The Lakers. Manny played it beautifully off the wall (see 7:31pm post).

7:33: Inning over. Thank the baby jebus. It's Papi and Manny time!!

Oh, I should probably start posting on my Red Sox blog Monster Seats sometime, eh?

7:35: WHAT IN THE FUCK IS JAMES TAYLOR DOING READING THE LINE UP?? He looks like he's either stoned out of his mind, or doesn't know how to fucking read. Douchebag.

7:44: Youk and Papi on base. It's time for Manny to do what Manny does.

7:46: Double play. Dammit.

7:55: Double play back atchya!!

8:03: Does anyone else hate Joe Buck AND Tim McCarver as much as I do? God, I think I'd rather listen to christian conservative talk radio for three hours.

Maybe I will.

9:17: My wife absconded with the computer, so I haven't been able to post my reaction to the 5-3 Indians lead. Here it is:

FUCK.

Oh, and Schilling is mercifully out...

9:23: You know, High Life IS a good, honest beer.

Also, I'm drinking beer, screaming at the TV, AND playing a freeroll on Stars at the same time. Just doubled up.

9:26: Also, I played a freeroll this morning and finished 171st out of 9500. I know it's LOLOL!! donkfest, but that's not too bad, yo.

9:27: Carmona is OUT! Thank the 8 lb. 6 oz. baby jesus. Let's get to their bullpen!

9:40: BACK TO BACK, BEETCHES!!!

10:00: Beer is taking effect.

10:06: Bases juiced for the Mistakes. Fart on my ass. AND Pronk is up. This is like Fonzie with a jukebox, yo.

10:07: WHEW!

10:10: So, I quit my job Friday. I'm so glad to be out. I was selling LAUNDRY for chrissakes...

for those of you at home, I was selling uniforms/shop towels/mats that sort of thing. Ugh. My new job is in my old industry (A.V.), and I got a nice $15K bump in salary, generous commission, and a company car. Oh, and I could sell A.V. to a Katrina refugee. I'm excited. I start on the 29th, and think that World Domination will soon be at hand.

How you like me now??

10:17: I believe I just saw Schilling EARS bleeding. Does that count?

10:53: Beer is definitely...DEFINITELY settling into my system. Blogging may be scarce. I ran TT into KK and was bounced from my tourney early. Oh well...

11:24: Too Drunk Too Call. Papel-bot just ended a scary top o' the 9th with a groundout. For a second, I thought it might go through the middle and did a wookie yell that woke up one of the kids.

Wife. Is. Pissed.

11:25: Remember ALF? He's back. In POG form!

11:26: Just thinking about it, you know what I love? Manny's swing. Yeah, I know, it seems like I have a man-crush on the guy, but have you seen his freakin' swing?

One part Ted Williams + Two parts "I don't give a shit". Stir gently with self-confidence, and there you be. What a great, great hitter he is.

11:44: The more I see Grady Sizemore, the more I hate the fucker. Nice catch, prick.

11:54: Hey, Alex Cora- WHEN YOUK SAYS HE'S GOT THE FUCKING BALL, DON'T TRIP HIM UP!!!

There's a reason why Pedroia's at 2nd. Numbnuts.

11:59: Is it just me, or does Mike Lowell look like he's about to burst into song, Sinatra-style, every time the camera shoots to him?

Luck be a homer, tonight. Luck be a homer, tonight.

MIDNIGHT: In another Stars freeroll. I'm smack talking although I haven't been in a hand in about 15 minutes. Here's an excerpt:

InvestorNo1: thought so
Bloody P: i will smoke you all
Dealer: kings X, it's your turn. You have 15 seconds to act
Bloody P: thought so
Bloody P: beetches
Bloody P: i am the bestest poker player this side of doyle brunson
Dealer: the66kid, it's your turn. You have 15 seconds to act
Bloody P: or Ted Forrest
Bloody P: lick it, c0cks
kings X: watch the profanity son
Bloody P: king's x was cool in 1989
Dealer: kickindupa, it's your turn. You have 15 seconds to act
kings X: well, I still like them so let it be
Dealer: TxTornado65 has a pair of Jacks
Dealer: kickindupa has two pair, Aces and Jacks
Dealer: Game #12615028085: kickindupa wins pot (1925) with two pair, Aces and Jacks
Bloody P: go lick your own c0ck, SON
kings X: you are a sick person

12:09: Um, WHY is Gagne in the game???

12:15: FUCKING SIZEMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12:18: Wild pitch? Screw this, I'm going to bed. And praying for a miracle....

This has been a presentation of Back Alley Mugging.

Message to Cleveland

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My cousin, Bloody Ankle pitches tonight against Fausto "The Bug Zapper" Carmona. Let's rack up another win before heading to The Mistake By The Lake.

Use The Force, Manny!

Alcohol

the cause of, and solution to all of life's problems.

Click here to see how vodka saved one man's life.

See Ya!

Vegan213 Has Had Some Success

Since Hoyazo seems to only allow comments that praise his brilliance or that throw softball questions at him ("did you put him on the flush there?"), I thought I'd keep it real and post what he denied putting up in his comments section:

Looks like Vegan213 has had some success.

Click on that link and look down to the right to see "Largest Recent Scores".

Yeah, he's done pretty damn well.

Do I think him stalking Hoy during an MTT for four hours is normal and/or funny and/or cool?

No.

Do I think that people moderating their comments to make themselves look good and and smart and totally-awesome-no-really-I-am and not let the general readership give their 2 cents or a different take on things is a really stupid, self-absorbed thing to do?

Hellz yeah.

And don't give me that spam bullshit. You can erase spam if you want to, Stalin.

End rant.

*****************

Edit: I think Fuel might want to do a little shopping here.

Bring It On!

I have registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker!

This Online Poker Tournament is a No Limit Texas Holdem event exclusive to Bloggers.

Registration code: 2789943