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Thursday, June 22, 2006

Poker DT's

I'm shaking. Yesterday at 3:04pm I wet myself. I shit the bed the night before last. I constantly have tremors. I've started nicknaming people I meet as "Hammer", "Hiltons", "Snowman" AND "Taterlegs". I refer to my kids as "Iggy" and "Pauly".

I haven't played poker in a week, and I'm starting to crack.

No fist pumps when my aces hold up, no min-raising my aces (I keed, I keed), no checkraising my full house after the flop, no typing into the chat box "Thanks for the donation!".

Now I've thrown up on myself. At the Horicon Public Library. This could be embarassing...

I've got a fever, and the only cure is more...poker.

One of the residual effects of my limited computer access and non-pokering is a slight case of "Non Commentitus". Since I'm stuck here at a library (tried the wireless again today, to no avail, even had my brother-in-law's tech support on the phone...) with pseudo-strict time restrictions, I am unable to comment on blogs as much as I'd like. As a self-admitted comment whore myself, I feel a sense of loss not being able to make other bloggers' comment numbers tick up every day. Because, let's admit it, we're all sluts to the comments on some level.

I can't wait to get all of this figured out. The doctors are running tests right now (if I somehow come up with some with some sort of uncurable V.D., Smurfette's got some splainin' to do), and I hope they can find a cure for my sickness. But I think I have a inkling of what they'll prescribe:

GET YOUR OWN DAMN HOUSE WITH YOUR OWN INTERNET CONNECTION AND STOP DRIVING 10 MILES TO GET ONLINE, YOU MORON!

I have to go, there's some green pussy stuff starting to come out of my ears and eyes.

Need...help...soon...

11 Comments:

Blogger TripJax said...

Stay away from the green pussy!

6/22/06, 5:11 PM  
Blogger Iakaris aka I.A.K. said...

As your personal online physician...I think you need to grow some testicles and tell those twats to back off and leave you teh fcuk alone while you surf for J-porn and comment on my blog.

Couldn't have crafted that segueway any better if I tried. Check out my second to last post. Talk about Hot Pink Girl Diaries - I'd swear you were Melinda if I didn't already know you were a bot!

Okay that's Kat's joke which I stole, but it's still funny.

6/23/06, 1:43 AM  
Blogger Bloody P said...

Like, you GUYS! I'm SOOO totally bored! It's like, I'm stuck going to prom with like, NO DATE! Or worse, going with TRIPJAX! Ewwwww, gross!

Like, I really need to totally get a life like on the Real World or Road Rules or something, because I'm totally going to go, like, crazy, if I keep this up.

YOU totally try living with YOUR mom all the time and see what happens.

Fer sher.

6/23/06, 11:20 AM  
Blogger Mr Subliminal said...

For all that is sacred, pull yourself together, man. I've been using the public library for years now and you wilt after a few days. Sheesh.

6/23/06, 1:06 PM  
Blogger Bloody P said...

Do you play ONLINE at the library??

Wet myself again...

6/23/06, 4:38 PM  
Blogger Iakaris aka I.A.K. said...

Get over to Melinda's comments section and see if you can leave something as supportively insane as I did, without giving the joke away...go in anonymously cause that bloody P is going to raise questions! Let me know when you're done...I'm going to announce a contest with a prize for the most oblique comment made. You can comment on any post you want - just leave the details on my recent entry LTNB v. 3.1

No, I DONT have anything better to do on a Saturday...why do you ask?

6/24/06, 10:44 AM  
Blogger Bloody P said...

Wait, who's Melinda???

6/24/06, 11:35 AM  
Blogger Iakaris aka I.A.K. said...

holy fuck are you late on this one. I found the blog of the decade dude. Go back to my posts until you find one called Imitation, inspiration and etc....
follow the links!

6/26/06, 2:59 AM  
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