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Thursday, June 08, 2006


When do birthdays no longer become long anticipated events? When I was a kid, I would start the countdown in April. Start planning the party, figuring out who to invite, what we would do, what hints to drop for gifts.

In northern Wisconsin, there aren't a lot of options for birthdays. No Chuck E. Cheese, or Pizza City, or arcades to throw money at. Usually, my birthdays consisted of hitting the cold, cold waters of Gitche Gumee, swimming for awhile, and then heading back to our palatial rambler and overloading on cake and ice cream. My dad would grab a football and throw hail mary passes into a throng of hyperacticve 8 year old boys. Whoever caught the ball got a quarter. Dad must have thrown down half a paycheck in an hour on that game.

Now though, instead of being anticipated, birthdays are another reminder of how fucking old you're getting. It's like a reminder note from the hospital, letting you know it's time to have your colon examined. There's no joy in it anymore.

34 is sort of a strange age. Old to some people, "a pup" to others, I feel the former rather than the latter of late. Gone are the days of being up every night until the wee hours of the morning with friends at bars swilling booze and telling tales. These days, 10pm hits, and I start thinking of going to bed. I remember when my parents would watch the news and then crash at 10:30pm. How could they go to bed so early? I'd think. Now I know why. It was me and my sister. Kids beat the holy living shit out of you, physically and mentally. Don't get me wrong, it's 100% worth it, it's just A LOT of work. And it's exhausting.

With the wife and kids in Wisconsin now, I feel like a sort of emotional nomad, putting in conversational stakes with anyone that will listen. I have a sort of general malaise hanging over me right now without them here. Especially today. Normally, tonight would be tailgating before a Saint Paul Saints game with Smurfette, the kids and 9 or 10 friends, followed by me coming home and passing out in anticipation of having to work in the morning.

Tonight, however, I will be grilling with two of my closest friends, then heading out to karaoke for a couple hours before going to bed. Not that it's bad. It's great. But they're not family. There were no cries of "Happy Birthday!!" from little voices this morning. No jumping on the bed or singing, more excited than I am that it's my birthday. Smurfette did call on her way to work this morning to wish me a happy birthday, but it's not the same.

Damn, I sound like a crabby old man. I should just put on a dress, a pair of tits and some antlers, and listen to some old sad bastard music. Sheesh. Sorry. Birthdays rule!

I did get a nice pre-birthday gift on the poker scene last night, as both the .05/.10 table I played for awhile and the .02/.04 table I played with Parx later on seemed to want to shower me with birthday gifts in advance. I ended up about $11 for the night. Yay for me.

Now that I've bored you with this whiny post, go read some real bloggers. Pauly has been crushing hard with his Born to Gamble series, and Drizz has a great, well written post about facing the challenges of ambition and physical limitations.

OK, I'm 34. It's 8:45am. Time to get drunk.

Oh, and if you want to give me a present, click that Titan link to your right, sign up and throw a $20 into your account. I'll thank you, and you'll thank me once you've played there. Sooo soft.


Blogger CC said...

You're a big baby! My birthday is 10 January. I had one party growing up, when I was ten. Had my green denim leisure suit, had a crush on Doris Clark, Laura Dilmore and Kevin Jackson came with the rest of the gang (they would eventually marry although Laura asked me to her senior prom after I'd moved away for eight years). You can always get fish pizza for your party there in Wisconsin!

Happy birthday. Try and get out with some folks as it's not entirely healthy to be holed up. Hope you're doing well.

6/8/06, 10:38 AM  
Blogger Iakaris aka I.A.K. said...

Happy Birthday, brotha. cc's right...you're a douche. Totally.

But the good news is you're not alone. I've been stuck in the exact same existential depression come May 23rd for the last 4 or 5 years. The move is likely making it worse for you (there's a lot data showing a move and job change are as stressful as losing a close relative). All I can tell you is that was a great read (for a girl diary) and that a complete stranger can totally relate.

Which of course means we both must be ghey. Nice job.

6/8/06, 12:47 PM  
Blogger Iakaris aka I.A.K. said...

GD Blogger ate my first attempt to comment!

cc's right - you're a douche. Totally.

But the good news is you have a lot of company. Every May23rd for the last 4 or 5 years, I get the same existential depression, lasts about a week. The move is probably making it worse for you (moving is as stress-producing as losing someone close). This was a great post, very honest, and very relatable.

Which just means you proved both of us are ghey.

Nice job. And Happy Birthday BP.

6/8/06, 1:03 PM  
Blogger John G. Hartness said...

32 kinda sticks you in that same emotional state, and there's only one cure...MORE COWBELL!!!!!

Or beer.

Or beer and cowbell.

Happy Birthday!!!!

6/8/06, 2:23 PM  
Blogger Heavy Critters said...

Thanks for the birthday wishes, and for calling me a ghey douchbag.

It's deserved. I KNEW I shoulda put a stitch in my gash when I had the chance.

Beer starts flowing in T minus 1 hour and 10 minutes. Cowbell clanging will commence shortly after.

I will be at the Northeast Palace in Nordeast Mpls tonight, drinking beers and singing karaoke.

Feel free to drop by.

6/8/06, 2:54 PM  
Blogger Iakaris aka I.A.K. said...

Dude pick one of those previous two comments and delete it. It looks like I have Tourrette's!

Although it does prove I have an excellent memory, and am an all round astonishing guy.

Yay me. Hope the Birthday Intoxication went well.

6/8/06, 9:39 PM  
Blogger Heavy Critters said...


birthday drink goes well*stop*cant remember my name*stop*have to close one eye to make sure spellin is right*stop;*

Hee haw andd Merry Christmas,

Sam Wainwright

(name the movie...)

6/9/06, 1:35 AM  
Blogger Heavy Critters said...


6/9/06, 1:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Happy Birthday. How was it?

MR. P.

6/9/06, 8:43 AM  
Blogger ragecg said...

Happy B-Day yo:)


6/9/06, 9:38 AM  
Blogger Heavy Critters said...

Mr. Parx wins. It's a Wonderful Life.

It was a good birthday, but I'm paying for it today. Good thing I get to hop back on the horse today at 4pm with Monsieur Pokeramama.

6/9/06, 9:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

happy b-day. I just turned 30 on June 1. Hey, I got a question. I've been reading your blog and you seem to play on Titan quite a bit. I keep getting offers for the 100% bonus up to $500. I was thinking of trying it out. I play mostly on PokerStars these days. How difficult are the bonuses to clear?

6/9/06, 12:24 PM  
Blogger Heavy Critters said...

Not hard at all. I've worked of my deposit bonuses in about a week or so on Titan and Noble. And I play LOW limits, so if you play over .02/.04 or .05/.10, you should be able to clear it very quickly.

Click on ye olde Titan link to the right, and give her a shot.

Thanks for reading!


6/9/06, 12:50 PM  
Blogger Pauly said...

Happy Birthday.

Thanks for pimping my posts!

6/9/06, 8:07 PM  
Blogger Heavy Critters said...

Thanks, Pauly! Just finished up reading the series today.

Kick ass.

6/10/06, 4:09 PM  
Blogger The Bracelet said...

Happy Belated Birthday!

I think when you hit 40 it becomes 9pm. Enjoy it while it lasts.

6/11/06, 3:39 PM  

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