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Thursday, June 29, 2006

Keeping My Job, Losing My Ass

Remember what it was like when you were a kid and the final school bell rang on the final day of class before summer vacation? Wasn't that a great feeling? Running out the door, realizing that the next 2+ months were yours? Time to run around, hit the beach, play pick-up baseball or basketball games, just fucking HANG OUT??

That's the way I feel right now.

I have basically zero responsibilities. I am a stay-at-home Dad. I am a lazy, sleeping in, no job having slob.

And I'm loving every fucking minute of it.

OK, maybe I'm a little bit bored, but sweet baby jebus...I don't have to go to work tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day, or the next day.

But, but, but, but, how will you survive you lazy ass bastard on whom I wish a thousand eternal hellfires?

Oh...yes. That. Well, I've got an assload of commission due to me where I can basically pay all of the bills, play all summer, and sock some back.

I had my "meeting" with my former/current employer yesterday and it went swimmingly. I even had the courage to sneak a fart in at one point which my boss and his lackey obviously heard, but chose to ignore. It was a high pitched squeaker that lasted about 2 seconds. The Romans called this "Pontius Pilate After Bean Soup", but I prefer "The Brown Hammer".

I was confident without being too cocky (minus the ass dropping), basically letting them know that they needed me to help the company grow more than I needed them. Sales jobs are pleeee-enteeeeful, and I would be just fine. It was fun, and I was relaxed.


OK, poker. I played a 4-handed game with some buddies. Long story short: I lost my ass. My best friend from college (not to be confused with my oldest and best friend) is an uber aggressive monkey and I was playing tight. He'd bet out hard when I had crap, he'd bet out hard when I had a hand. And somehow he was always able to either push me off hands or beat me.

Case in point. We're heads up. I'm dealt AQd, the flop comes down J39 rainbow. I check. He puts in his standard pot sized bet. I'm thinking he's holding Ace-small or medium or King small. Guessing that I'm ahead here, I reraise. He calls. I check the rag on the turn to see what he's going to do. Surprisingly, he checks as well. The turn is a 2 (if my beer memory serves me correctly), and I'm 99% sure I have him at this point, so I bet about 3/4 of the pot. He calls and flips AJ. And takes the pot.

Keep in mind that he will do this if he has Rockets, Cowboys, AJ, AK, 24o, the hammer. He's impossible to read, and he mopped up on some lucky draws and uber aggressiveness. Kudos.

Here's a hand we'll all enjoy:

The second or third hand of the game, I'm dealt 65s on the button, and I limp in from the button. SB completes and BB checks.

Flop: 655

Heaven! SB checks, BB puts in a nice, big raise. I want to extract as much money as I can from this pot, so I smooth call, SB folds. Next card is a some rag. I can't remember because I was trying to hide my giddiness at flopping a full house.

The river? Another 5.

I check it, and BB overbets the pot something fierce. I re-raise him almost all in, and he calls.

He says, "Full house! 6's and 5's"(he was holding J6o).

I flip and scream "DEMS QUADS BEEEEETCHES!!!!"

And take the pot. Crush.

The first thing I thought of when the river card came down was, "Damn, I can't wait to blog this shit."

Now you know. And knowing is half the battle.


Blogger ragecg said...

That story was great and all... but the fuckin brown hammer...

That was pure genius.

...I got a meeting to day, Im gonna try it....

...wish me luck yo.

6/29/06, 1:12 PM  
Blogger CarmenSinCity said...

I love it!! I'm cracking up about you farting during your meeting. That's GREAT! Also, I know how you feel about not having to work, I've been that way for quite a while now and then I finally got a job out of boredom - it's part-time which I love.

6/29/06, 1:19 PM  
Blogger Iakaris aka I.A.K. said...

the brown hammer...so wrong...so perfect...

saw you met my girl...you twisted, twisted soul...

6/29/06, 6:17 PM  
Blogger alabare said...

"Now you know. And knowing is half the battle."


I know you like the brown hammer and all...but this just makes me smile:
"Pontius Pilate After Bean Soup"

Jealous Much! F'ing A I am!!!

Nice hand btw.

6/29/06, 8:38 PM  
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