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Friday, July 21, 2006

NOT Sold



Aw, fuck.

The offer fell through. Apparently we have $498,293 of work left to do on our $150K house. I got a call from my realtor with the news and it felt like I got sucker punched and the wind knocked out of me. I may have crapped my pants, as well. Not sure about that one, I haven't changed clothes yet.

The buyer's inspector said that we need a new roof (well, we knew that...), a new boiler for the furnace (WTF??), and there are foundation "issues" (W. T. F.???).

Funny, none of that was reported in the Truth in Housing inspection we got done, and we've never had a problem with the furnace, or leaks or any other "issues" with the foundation.

But, my friends, every cloud has a silver lining.

We got another offer. By a guy who flips houses. And he's offered to buy it "as-is".

Praise the Sweet Baby Jebus.

We ran the numbers and we're only taking a $5K-$6K loss vs. the other offer, so we're taking it. Hell it'd cost about $9K just to put a new roof and furnace on that bitch.

And have I mentioned that we're a family of five living Anne Frank-style at my mother-in-law's place?

Yeah, it's time to sell. Shit and get off the pot and all that. Cut that jibba jabba!

In pokering news, I made a couple bucks stacking some tourists at the .02/.05 tables on Stars last night, which was a nice mental diversion from all of the house bullshit I had endured all day.

The six pack of James Page White Ox Wheat Ale didn't hurt either.


Blogger alabare said...

James Page White Ox Wheat Ale? Sounds yummy. Looking to try a good new beer. Stuck on Tucher lately. A great German beer. Love the stuff. They just built a huge mall literally 30 seconds from my house...one of the stores is the size of a Target or Walmart and all they sell is Alcohol. I walked in there for the first time 2 weeks ago and literally started to cry. It was GLORIOUS. Needless to say, I'm now faced with more beer choices I've ever had in my life.

Sorry...got a little off topic there. Glad the house stuff is still moving in the right direction.

7/21/06, 12:48 PM  
Blogger B said...

Your betray your new state my friend, james page? What happened to the new glauris?

Hope the second offer works out today and you can finally wash your hands of the north side. I am more than ready to get out what with my wife's car getting stolen yesterday and all. Just make sure you praise the baby jebus everyday that you don't live there anymore.

Keep on rockin' in the free world . . .

7/21/06, 1:14 PM  
Blogger sooted said...

I was with you, you had my sympathy and everything, until I read the line about wheat beer.

DUDE! Wheat is for BREAD! BARLEY is for BEER!

Hope it works out for you. Except for the wheat beer thing. ;-)

And I'm still jealous of you moving out of the city to the small town and all.

"Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated."

7/21/06, 1:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There are no bad beers. Some beers are better than others (except fruit-beers, those suck).

RE: House. Sell. Take the 5K hit. In 6 months you'll forget all about it. We were trying to BUY a house a few years ago. THREE houses fell through when the sellers changed their minds. THE SELLERS!!!??? We had a big fat, blank, bank-guaranteed check, and we couldn't get out of my parents' house.

Look for me Sunday (maybe later tonight too) if you want to play.

1 hour and 54 more minutes of public mental health, and I head straight to the bar. Mmmm...Beeeeeeer.

Mr. P.

7/21/06, 2:12 PM  
Blogger ragecg said...

Aw man, that sucks!
....wait, you said its ok?
Ok then, then that ROCKS YO!

...i'm still laughing bout the poop swatches......

7/21/06, 2:12 PM  
Blogger Yoyo (Poker Poison) said...

Frustrating I'm sure. I have been waiting for the word on our escrow to close. It seems like forever. And if I got that kinda news, I would be crushed.

7/21/06, 2:22 PM  
Blogger The Bracelet said...

I visited the Anne Frank house while I was in the Netherlands playing soccer for a few weeks.

Don't let her diary fool you, that place was spacious.

7/21/06, 2:34 PM  
Blogger Donnie (aka Shadowtwin) said...

When I bought my house five years ago, I found that there were exactly three separate inspections of it, which could have all been of different houses for all their similarity.

The first was hired by the seller. His assessment of the condition of the house was that it was basically brand new without even the most minor cosmetic flaw (this despite the fact that the house was built in 1896 (that is not a typo)).

The second was from my mortgage company. Their assessment was that the house was most likely involved in a horrible fire, followed by a flood, then a nuclear blast, followed by armageddon, and someone patched it up with popsicle sticks to get rid of it quick.

Last was the actual building inspector, he was getting a flat fee of $250 no matter what he said about it. His assessment was that the roof would need to be repaired/replaced within the next ten years, and the incoming water lines would need to be replaced within five.

In the end, I bought the house for about 10% under market value, but also had to make an agreement with the mortgage lender that I would make the necessary improvements within the time frame specified by the building inspector. Total cost of replacing the plumbing (including a full renovation of the bathroom, as well as all new fixtures, disposal, purifier, etc. in the kitchen) was $1000, since I did all the work myself. The roof will cost about the same (it has to be tin due to restrictions placed by the historical society). That $2000 out of my pocket saved me about $10000 off of the fair market value, and got the seller to foot all of the closing costs.

That is all just a long way of saying that when it comes to buying a house, the laws favor the buyer in a big way. Or, more accurately, the seller is the buyer's bitch. But generally when you are selling one, you are buying another, so it all works out in the end.

7/21/06, 2:39 PM  
Blogger Iakaris aka I.A.K. said...

Sell sounds smart. God knows I'd love to be able to unload my house for just a 5k hit. Let's see.

I'll get to Mel very soon ya big crybaby...hang in there!

7/21/06, 5:08 PM  
Blogger CC said...

I think every house in America is about to fall down, so take the money and run!

7/21/06, 5:18 PM  
Blogger Heavy Critters said...

Thanks for the advice, all. Believe it or not, I took all of your virtual advice to heart.

We accepted the offer, and will close on 8/24/06.

Oh, and I played a friendly game of live poker tonight and...once again, lost my ass...

WTF?? I'm almost glad I didn't go to Vegas for the WPBT!

7/22/06, 2:24 AM  
Blogger BigPirate said...

Thanks for stopping by a few months ago. I finally got you linked.

7/22/06, 4:41 PM  
Blogger Heavy Critters said...

And I you!

7/24/06, 1:59 AM  

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